Lesser Deities
by Talia Ali
Summary: Just a little one-shot involving Yami, Joey, and a toaster.


Hey everybody! This is just a quick little one-shot I wrote a while ago that I just got around to editing. Oh, and be warned: I was in a weird mood tonight, so some of the elements might be a little overdone. And Yami's slightly OOC. All in the name of fun, right? Sorry, no yaoi for anyone that was hoping, but read on anyway. I might have gotten some elements about ancient Egyptian religion wrong, as well as some of the, uh, layout. (Is the Game Shop connected to the Motou's house?). Anyway, here we go!

Disclaimer: No Yu-Gi-Ohs for Talia. No money for Talia. Talia will pay money for Yugi/Yami, however.

**Lesser Deities **

_By Talia MT Ali_

"Hello? Yugi? Is anybody home?"

The harsh rapping came from the front door of the game shop. It was Saturday. The store didn't officially open until noon, but the door was always open. The little store served as the Motou's front door as well as their income and livelihood. The blonde American knocked again on the door bearing the sign 'Closed'. He squinted into the darkened shop though the paned glass. Yami grimaced and struggled a little harder with the infernal appliance. He wasn't going to be seen in a to-the-death battle with a toaster. He had been a pharaoh. He wasn't...

"I'm coming in!" The familiar voice of Joey Wheeler reached Yami Yugi's ears, clarifying as the youth opened the unlocked front door and caused the bell to tinkle. The quick click of his heels indicated that he was alone and moderately unnerved that no one was in the front store. Yami gritted his teeth and quickly shoved the toaster aside. The Motou's house was attached to the storeroom of the Turtle Game Shop. Yami currently occupied the stool at the counter in the kitchen, multicolored head bent over a small, squarish bit of metal. It was a light, airy place, full of sunbeams and plants. Yugi always enjoyed coming in here to the smell of toast and coffee in the morning, able to slide onto the stool and appreciate the beauty of life before he joined the hectic pace of school. Yami, on the other hand, didn't notice the dancing rays or smell the fragrant plants. He was trying to make toast. The appliance was not being cooperative.

"In here, Joey," Yami sighed. His friend's blonde head poked around the corner. Casting one last threatening look at the recalcitrant device, he smiled welcomingly.

"Mornin', Yami," Joey came all the way into the kitchen and took the seat next to the ex-Pharaoh. "Where's Yugi?"

"Here," Yami said shortly. Niceties completed, he turned back to the toaster problem. With anyone else, the brief answer would have seemed inane. But Yami was correct. Yugi was there, if asleep at the moment, allowing the spirit the use of the physical nature of his body complete with school uniform, buckles and all. With that body, Yami wanted to make toast. Yami was about to smash the toaster into microscopic, unrecognizable bits of metal. His scowl bounced off the shiny metal. (_I am rubber, you are glue...)_

Maybe if he hit it a few more times with the funny-looking fork he'd found on the counter, it would meekly decide to cook his toast? If Joey weren't here, he'd resume threatening it with his mind technique 'Obliterate'. However, Yugi never seemed to talk to the contraptions about the house (and laughed at Yami when he did), so he supposed Joey would find it similarly amusing. Everything had a spirit, from cards to trees, so it made sense that if you got on the spirit's good side, it would cooperate.

_The toaster gods hate me_, Yami thought with all seriousness. _Perhaps I should pray?_

"What're ya doin' out?" Joey inquired, picking up a glass and pouring a swig of orange juice.

"I am not a dog, Wheeler," Yami said wryly. "Yugi's asleep. I'm making breakfast."

"Hey, no offense." Joey held up his hands defensively. "I just thought you liked to stay in the Puzzle when you weren't duelin', eatin' our food or defendin' Yug from immediate danger."

Yami didn't have any reply to that, considering it was mostly true. He did like cookies. And dueling. He changed the subject instead. "What are you doing up so early? I thought you had a policy of not awakening until noon on weekends?"

Joey grinned mischievously. "Who says I'm awake? I got a buy-one-get-one-free pass for da theater, but it only works for matinees. I was goin' to ask Yug."

"So he can pay for you to get in?" Yami smirked and Joey grinned. Yugi's best friend didn't get a whole lot of money from his parents, so he was perpetually broke. Not that he was all that good at budgeting, anyway. Reminded of modern idiocy, the Game King resumed trying to stare down the partially frozen bread in the toaster. Camel-brained treasonous lump of mushed grain and water! "I'll let him know when he wakes. What time did you want to go?"

"Twelve thirty." Joey glanced at the clock, which read 11:30. "The lines are gonna be massively long, so I figured we'd better get a head start. I never figured Yug would still be sleepin'."

"We were up late last night." Yami explained. Never mind that he'd only found out how many times Egypt had been conquered last night and had been using Yugi's body to check on each one frantically... Honestly, the _Greeks!_

"Musta been some night," the boy observed. "Yug never sleeps in."

"I figured that it couldn't hurt to let him sleep." _Because it was my fault in the first place_. Yami gestured at the toaster. "Are you hungry?"

"Yeah!" Joey leaped on his words. He coughed and rubbed his neck, "I mean, if ya've got an extra piece hangin' around somewhere..."

Yami carefully examined the toaster, ignoring Joey's curious eyes. Bread in. Check. Depressor depressing. Check. Dents from fork. Check. Cowed bread (without the cow). Check. He carefully pressed the button and held his breath. _Please Ra, I beg mercy, please work..._

Ra did not hear his plea. The toaster propelled the bread from the machine at a velocity similar to that of a chariot. It would not stay down, no matter what Yami did to it. He'd tried different bread. Nothing. He'd tried whacking it (repeatedly). Nothing. He'd even stuck his finger down into the toaster and pushed the bread holder down. Nothing. It just popped back up infuriatingly, like a happy child, spitting the bread three feet in the air.

Yami carefully repressed a snarl as he caught the slices. Joey, wisely for once, did not make a sound for at least ten seconds. Finally, he managed to choke back his laughter into a single contained snort.

"Good range," he enthused. There might have been a touch of mockery in his voice. "I had a toaster once that did half that distance. Used it to shoot rocks at my neighbor's windows. I appreciate the effort."

"If I was not making an effort," Yami said pleasantly, "You would be missing your top third." He smiled a little to show that he was - mostly - kidding.

"Couldn't you take off my bottom two thirds instead?" Joey barely noticed the threat. He grinned, brown eyes twinkling. "My mouth is in my top. I need it."

"Joseph Wheeler can subtract fractions," Yami mused. "How about that? And here Yugi swore you fell asleep in every math class last year."

"You should talk, abacus-boy," Joey casually leaned over and picked up the plug to the toaster. He pointed to it with one hand. "Try this problem: plug minus electricity equals?"

"Er?"

Joey patted his shoulder as he pushed the prongs into the wall socket. Pressing down the toaster's lever, he winked and said, "You owe me one."

Yami quickly stopped himself from staring openmouthed at the suddenly docile toaster. It occurred to him that his slightly distorted reflection still looked dumbfounded, so he made immediate changes to remedy the effect. Heat began to radiate from the metal, toasting the bread inside. So the toaster gods were pleased with Joey, were they? Revenge would be his upon the moody spirits. He was Ra's chosen, and they merely lesser deities. Very lesser. Just wait until he got them alone...

"Owe you one?" Yami demanded, getting back to reality. Damn appliances and modern 'conveniences'. "What for?"

"For preventing you from spending the next hour flinging bread across the kitchen until Yugi woke up." Joey peered interestedly into Yami's eyes. "Speaking of which, is he?"

"No." Yami shook his head. "If he does, I'll give him his body back and you'll know."

"Oh. Is that why you don't do this often?" Joey gestured at Yami.

"I give Yugi control whenever he wants." Yami said quietly. He did not voice the rest of the agreement, that it was part of the trust Yugi held in him to relinquish control. Besides, with a _lot_ of effort and not a small amount of magic, he didn't have to use Yugi's body at all. But that wasn't exactly common knowledge yet. "It's his body."

"Well, Yug talks about you a lot," Joey admitted. "So we all feel like we know you, but we don't really. You should get out more."

"It's strange that way, because I feel like I talk to you every day." Yami smiled, sneaking a look at the bread. It was toasting nicely. Damned thing. "My hikari relays many of my thoughts to you."

"H-hikari?"

"Yugi," Yami explained simply. He blinked and his eyes went blank for an instant. Joey waited patiently, recognizing the empty look from occasions where his buddy Yugi had conversations with the 5000-year-old spirit. Yami focused on Joey again, nodded a farewell, and then shrank by a foot and lost a little color in his hair.

Yugi grinned up at Joey, who looked momentarily startled. His wide purple eyes contrasted sharply with Yami's narrow red ones, seeming much more open, friendly and (to Yugi's dismay) naïve. The toast popped. Yugi caught one piece on its ascent, the result of long practice that had become reflex. The other went hurtling upwards, kissed the ceiling and plummeted earthwards. It landed in Joey's outstretched hands by pure luck. He bit and chewed instinctively.

"Good morning, Joey!" Yugi said cheerfully, spreading butter on his toast. "Yami tells me you want to go to a movie."

"Yeah." Joey nodded. He shook his head and adjusted to looking down at his best friend. It was still a little unfamiliar, having his buddy possessed by the spirit and switching back and forth without warning. Yugi hardly seemed bothered by it, so it was the least Joey and the others could do to make it seem as if it was entirely ordinary. "How long have you been awake?"

"Just got up. I heard Yami say my name aloud." He yawned, covering his mouth. "Where's Tristan?"

"He refused to get up before noon. Tea too, but she was up late finishing her History project. Tristan's just a lazy SOB."

"Joey!"

"Well, he is." Joey stuffed the rest of his toast in his mouth. Chewing noisily, he mumbled, "Movie?"

"What did you want to see?" Yugi bit into his toast somewhat more delicately.

"Kung Pow." Joey swallowed and grinned. "We're gonna have to read subtitles, but it's supposed to be a laugh riot."

"Sure, Joey. Sounds fun."

"Where's your grandpa?" Joey asked suddenly.

"Gone into Tokyo to view a new game that we might buy for the store. He left early this morning. He'll be back tonight." Yugi bobbed his head. "It's funny how he always seems to be away when we do anything interesting."

"He's a busy guy," Joey commented wisely. He seized Yugi's arm and propelled both of them towards the entrance of the Game Shop. Stumbling a bit and laughing at Joey's enthusiasm, Yugi hurried to keep up. "Well, let's go!"

Well, read and review as always (I know you always do, because you're such nice readers!). Actually, if you don't review, I'll let Murray, my personal shrink at you. (He's evil. Oh, and he's the talking skull of a pirate. I took his arm. It makes a nice Big Stick, because the stones don't work very well. Actually, if you hit the Big Stick with the stones, it breaks. But that's beside the point.) He'll peel you back like a can of tomatoes, if cans can peel. And I should stop now. Clickety on the button!


End file.
